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So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
Mondays are middle finger approved
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.