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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
I`m getting worried about this Ebola virus. I mean, I`ve got Norton but...
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
I fake my lol`s