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When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.