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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.