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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.