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I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.