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someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.