Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
I wish, just once, I could actually hit the pedestrian crossing the road slow with the "what`re gonna do, hit me" look on their face.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.