Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I`M ASKING THEM"
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.