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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...