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There is always something to be thankful for. If you canβt pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him itβs sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you canβt really touch anything.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
The fox says you need to stop.
Iβm better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
Today is Valentineβs Day or as I call itβ¦ Tuesday.
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
life is short play naked
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Being alive is so expensive.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talkβ¦then I remember all the things he has seen me do when Iβm alone.