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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.