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Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.