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I just called. To say. I texted you.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
The less you know, the more you think you do.