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If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.