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I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?