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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.