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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”