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I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Iām not a biologist but Iām pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!