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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
I just awesomed all over the place.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner