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If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?