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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.