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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.