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I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"