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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.