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Worry: a waste of imagination.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.