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Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.