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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.