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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.