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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.