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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.