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How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!