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If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)