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I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
I think...therefore, I am.....single
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
This day needs more yesterday.
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.