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And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
That logical moment when you`re watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven`t taken him away from his parents yet.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
It`s not stalking if you love them!
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.