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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...