Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.