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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.