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Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.