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Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
People: What a bunch of bastards!
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.