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If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels