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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss