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Pizza is my favorite winter activity
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.