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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party