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Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.