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Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.