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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with