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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
Iām positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
is ready to have one too many!
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?