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If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.