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Before the internet I used to like people.
I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.