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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.