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You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.