Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
Warning: I just get weirder.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...