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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
It’s a status….not your diary…
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.