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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.