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My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.