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It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.