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If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?