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Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!