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I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
So... Where does one obtain minions?
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!