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Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.