Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

So if one was to type β€˜idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?