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I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar