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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?