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My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
My anger management class pisses me off
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.