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Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...