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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?