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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
The only dates I get are updates.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!