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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.