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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!