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FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......