Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!