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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops