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I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?