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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day