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Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!