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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches