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Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!