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My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops