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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Hello is this HP? Iād like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
Safe words are for quitters.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
More people should be at a loss for words.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
My IQ? ... With google or without?