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"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.