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You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.