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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.