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I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.