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Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.