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I wonder if angry people know about naps?
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.