Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..