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Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
What number SPF blocks people?
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.
Bad decisions make good stories.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...