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Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?