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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".
Line forms here for spankings
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
AWESOME!
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.