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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?