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Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.