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I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.