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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.