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Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
It should really be called teethpaste.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it