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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.