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Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
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