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"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
Do angry people know about naps?
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.