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Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted