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Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?