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Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.