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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.