Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
Partying on my level requires years of training.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.