Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.