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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.