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If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.