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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`