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Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
More people should be at a loss for words.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.