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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.