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I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with