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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!
funny status idea: a funny and popular one