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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
You are here: X
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.