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Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
bras are booby-traps
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.